"But this journey is what I do now. I bump along, in fits and starts, on a perpetual path to finding better ways for me and my mate, Anxiety, to get around."
Before reading this book I had no prior knowledge to Sarah Wilson. I did not know she existed. I had no idea that she is a bestselling author, an entrepreneur, a former news journalist. And so, First, We Make The Beast Beautiful wasn't even on my radar let alone my 'to read' list. I did not seek it out. I just happened to stumble across it. It found me. As cringe as that sounds, it's exactly what happened.
First, We Make The Beast Beautiful is a contemplative exploration of Wilson's lifelong personal struggle with anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder.
Wilson bravely exposes the worst parts of herself, her ugly truths, the varying tragedies she has been through. It details her attempts to cope, at points her inability to, and ultimately her spiritual search for meaning in the mist of all the chaos. It is quirky and painfully honest.
Wilson writes about the uncomfortable experiences she has encountered in facing her anxiety, the strain it has put on relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners alike. It is at times distressing yet uplifting, sad yet hopeful.
I would say this book is more of a memoir than a self-help. While there are ideas that may help the reader, it's important to remember that these ideas specifically work for Wilson. That's not to say they'd work for everyone. She does not force those ideas down your throat and tell you 'DO THIS AND YOUR ANXIETY WILL BE GONE', like many other anxiety self-helps I've come across. That isn't the point of the book.
There is no one singular experience of anxiety, everyone who suffers will suffer differently. No two experiences are ever truly the same. There are vast differences to Wilson's anxiety than there are to my own. My journey will always be mine, and her journey will always be hers. Having said that, there were definitely moments of reading this where I thought 'yes, you understand, you get it'. And that's the point, to realise that you are not alone.
Wilson writes about the importance of living with her anxiety and the importance of accepting that it is her part of her life. It is part of her. She notes that it has been the thriving force that has pushed her, and ultimately, she would not be where she is now without it. It has pushed her into situations that have changed her life. She has reframed her anxiety, trying to see it as more of a gift, a 'beautiful beast', than an as burdensome affliction.
It's extremely easy to read, yet, there are some things about the book that did frustrate me a little. While I'm sure the disjointed structure is meant to represent the disjoints in Wilson's life and journey, I'm just not sure it made sense. There are at times inconsistencies with timelines and contradictions within chapters which causes a little confusion. I'm not sure if this is down to the non-linear structure of the book, a two year writing process or just bad editing. There are also parts of the book I found problematic and just plainly disagreed with. For instance, her quick dismissal of CBT, not only because I've had it myself, but because CBT has an abundance of clinical research showing that it is one of the most effective talking therapies. I also found the continuous celebrity name dropping a little irksome at times. Do not read this book thinking that it will give you all the divine answers or that you will get any hard science. You won't find that here, it is not about that. It's filled with paraphrased research that Wilson has resonated with while writing this book.
In spite of all that, I still enjoyed reading it. The book doesn't end giving any definitive answers or showing a writer who has recovered. It shows that there is no easy way out, no easy way through and no 'one size fits all'. And while the book is not perfect, it has still resonated with me. But I guess the book doesn't have to be perfect for me to enjoy it and find it wonderful.
I suppose in that way it's just like us: we don't have to strive to be perfect to be considered wonderful, either.
Love,
Brogan
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